Happy Day

I missed posting yesterday, but my day was just so full. I am having a pretty good day today, so no venting this time. I was in the dentist's office today and came across a magazine called Working Mothers. I'd never heard of it before, which is probably because I never stroll down the magazine aisle in stores. It was actually pretty interesting. The only problem is I didn't see very many articles for working class mothers. Pretty much every article dealt with problems for small business owners, those who telecommute, or who have very high profile jobs. In these cases, cost is not really an issue. I mean, one article was about daycare vs. nanny, with cost being the secondary issue. I am wondering if the working class of moms is really included in the "Should moms stay home with kids or find a career" debate? Well, I guess that might be a kind of "dumb" question since these moms don't really have a choice. I remember having a conversation with my sister-in-law, as well as some friends, about this. It feels like it's more difficult to choose since I do have a choice. I struggle with myself because I would love to have a career and be important in that aspect, but I don't think I want to risk the well-being of my children to do it, which I really feel I would be doing. Then again, I see all of these successful women seemingly balancing work and family life. Of course, when they are being interviewed for TV or magazines, we're not getting the full picture, we don't see their everyday life, and other family members may have different opinions on the subject. It would be interesting to see how successful their real lives are. You know, the decision would be so much easier if it wasn't a choice. When I had my first two kids, I had to work because we were young and poor! I never even thought about how not being with them was affecting them. They were kind of used to going to a babysitter every day and seeing their parents part-time. But then, with my third child, I was kind of forced to stay home. My husband's job relocated us, and I was 5 months pregnant - and it was quite obvious I was far along. I really didn't even try to find a job, thinking that no one would hire me at this point, and also feeling obligated to be fair to any company that would hire me by not applying 4 months before I was due! Anyway, we had to tighten up with finances and budget so that I could stay home. When he was born, we decided that me being home was not such a bad thing, and not really hurting us financially. We decided to make this permanent until he started school. In these past 5 years (my youngest just started kinder this year), I have really enjoyed being home with him and also for my older boys when they come home from school. I didn't realize how much I missed out on with my other two boys until I experienced being home with my youngest. At times, I feel really guilty about not giving them that same opportunity. I still remember my older sons asking me (when they were about 7 and 6) why I loved my youngest more than I loved them. I realized that my youngest and I had formed a much closer relationship because we spent all day together and that it was quite apparent to the other two. And I just felt so overwhelmingly guilty. I tried to get them to verbalize why they would say such a thing, and what was said basically proved my theory to be correct - that I had been able to forge a closer bond with the youngest because I was home all day. I have since tried my best to remedy this by spending some alone time with all of them, but deep down I still carry the guilt of never being able to do it all over. I know what's done is done and we can only move forward, but had I known then what I know now......you know the rest. Of course, with all that said, my two older boys aren't the worst for it. They are very well-adjusted, bright, and seem to be really happy with their lives thus far. So I guess I haven't done too bad a job, and maybe my decision to stay home came just in time. I can't be judgemental about other working moms that decide to do the opposite because I don't live in their shoes and maybe their decision to work is the best one for their families. And I think we should stop having such strong debates over this because I am very glad that at least a choice exists. There are some moms who really don't have a choice, and I'll bet some wish they did. And their kids turn out to be great people. I just wish we could have it all, I guess!